“Is it possible for us to NOT communicate with someone that we know?”
Some fellow classmates nodded and said, “yes” and substantiated with the fact that they do not chat with some friends in their Friendster or Facebook account. In fact, even the teacher agreed to that until I decided to raise my point.
In my opinion, in choosing not to talk to someone, one is actually ignoring the person and hence communicating non-verbally to the person that he or she is not that important to him or her.
This brings me to the topic for the first blog post: Why are effective communication skills so important to me?
From the above example, we can see that regardless of what we do, we are ALWAYS communicating. Therefore, it is important that we are conscious about how we are getting the message across and how the recipient interprets the message to avoid misinterpreting a message which is well-intended to begin with.
The knowledge of effective communication skills can also be applied to situations where there maybe little or no verbal communication. I have been dancing salsa regularly for more than 3 years and I have developed a certain level of proficiency in this dance. Believe it or not, effective communication skills are critical to making a dance memorable.
In a dance, there is little or no verbal communication but there is a lot of non-verbal communication, which can be extremely subtle. For example, when dancing with beginners, I have noticed that they tend to look down, indicating lack of confidence. I will then respond by executing moves which are less complicated so that it will be easier for the girl to follow. On the other hand, while executing advanced moves, I will pay more attention to the lady’s facial expressions to look out for frowns and grimaces which will then indicate to me whether I am leading her correctly.
In the dance, the girl unconsciously communicates her feelings and thoughts through her body language. However, if intended recipient (i.e. the guy dancing with her) of this message fails to decode and respond accordingly then it would result in a not-so-pleasant dance. I have to admit to the fact that for the first of the 3 years in salsa, I failed miserably in interpreting body language. One particular night at a social dance club, my instructor pulled me to a corner and said to me:
“You are too focused on the moves, so much so that you are blind to the feelings of the lady that you are dancing with.”
He then decided to gave me a crash course on “Understanding Body Language During a Dance”. For the next thirty minutes, he illustrated his point by pointing to dancers on the dance floor and explained to me the lady's feelings and how the guy is responding. He patiently repeated the process for many couples and showed me how this form of communication differs for advance dancers. It seems bizarre and magical to me that such a form of communication exists and at that point in time I did not quite take him seriously. Nonetheless, out of respect, I did what my instructor told me and paid more attention to the ladies’ expressions while dancing. It took me a few months before I could fully appreciate this subtle but important form of communication.
Over the years, I have acquired an acute sense for negative emotions. This has helped me develop to become a better dancer, as I would ask the lady whom I was dancing with for feedback and ways to improve. Therefore, the ability to interpret body language is a undoubtedly an effective communication skill that I value a lot and hope to learn more about it.
Hi Ji Wei,
ReplyDeleteI find your focus on non-verbal communication interesting because when most people talk about effective communication skills, they tend to neglect the non-verbal aspect, which is a pity because apparently 80% of communication is non-verbal.
Thanks for sharing your experience in salsa with us, I've learnt smth new. I always thought that dance partners rely on mutual understanding but it seems like this mutal understanding is a result of being able to read each others' non-verbal cues effectively.
That aside, I feel that the flow of your blog post is smooth and easy to read.
Hi Ji Wei,
ReplyDeleteYour post reminds me of another form of communication. I started to play the piano and learn the music when I was young. In fact, believe it or not, when one plays the music, he or she is communicating with the composer. When one sings a song, he or she is communicating her feelings with the audience. Communication doesn't have to be just "words", it could be a symphony, a song, a drama, a movie, etc. Communication is so broad that we nearly overlook it.
Thanks, Ji Wei, for a very interesting post. Your discussion of the communication that takes place during salsa is especially apt and illustrative of the prominence of nonverbal cues. You've initiated good feedback from your classmates with that.
ReplyDeleteReflecting back on the class discussion, I see that you have the idea that there is always communication. Well, yes and no. In some cases, a Facebook friend may be consciously NOT interacting with another, which could be interpreted as a negative.
However, there is also the issue of time and opportunity. If a person has many friends on a social networking site, then it would simply be impossible to interact with them all equally. One has to prioritize, right? In some cases, no interaction is simply that: no chance for communication. I understand your point, but we have to be careful about overgeneralizing.
In any case, I appreciate your thoughts on these issues.
Hey Ji Wei,
ReplyDeleteThanks for illustrating the importance of non-verbal communication through your experience as a salsa dancer; it is an interesting post to read and I agree with Geok Ting that non-verbal communication is often neglected but sometimes they may be misinterpreted.
I find myself focusing on facial expressions (besides body movement) of dancers a lot and I don't know if they actually realise what kind of facial expressions they are giving their audience and whether they know what impact those non-verbal cues have on us.
Anyway, non-verbal communication is an effective communication skill but I feel that it is also not an easy skill to pick up.