The following video, pieced together from Gossip Girl Season 2 Episode 5, is for educational purposes only.
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In order to achieve her goal to become a fashion designer, Jenny lied to her father to work in a renowned fashion design firm. Previously, she told him that she is required to work in a design firm after school hours, as part of her coursework in school.
When Rufus (Jenny’s father) found out the truth that his daughter had been playing truant to work in a fashion design company, he demanded that she quit her job immediately. The following day, Jenny explains how she managed to keep up with her school work and expressed her desire to help out in the fashion show on that particular day. However, her father did not pay much attention to her. To make matters worse, he scheduled an appointment for her to meet the headmistress of the school (on a Saturday) to prove to the latter why she should not be expelled.
After meeting with the headmistress, Jenny went to help out in the fashion show. When the event ended, she ran into her father. He threatened to suspend her privileges and told her that she is not allowed to choose what she wants to do until she has completed school. Jenny then made a remark that she told the headmistress that she won’t be going back to school.
As I analyze this hypothetical conflict, I realize that Jenny is quite obedient as she did not argue with her father right from the start. On the other hand, if we pay close attention to Rufus’ speech, he spoke with a commanding tone and used authoritative phrases like “…get up and come with me, without another word”, “I don’t care” and “Why would I believe anything you say?”
Instead of solving the problem, this approach worsened the situation. Towards the end of the video, Jenny argued with her father and challenged him when he threatened to suspend her privileges. In addition, she became adamant about her decision in not attending school.
It is critical to note that Jenny’s act in lying to her father is merely a symptom of the problem. Quoting Zig Ziglar (motivation speaker), “Every obnoxious act is a cry for help”, what Rufus did was to stop the “obnoxious act” but he failed to recognize his daughter’s “cry for help”.
Rufus could have asked the following questions:
What did I do or not do such that my daughter chose not to tell me truthfully that she wants to work in a fashion design firm?
What is my daughter’s impression of me?
What are the consequences that my daughter imagined if she had told me about her intentions to quit school to work? How can I change this?
What can I do about the current situation? Will the root cause of the problem be solved without compromising our present relationship?
The above questions will enable him to recognize the high power-distance between him and his daughter. Jenny perceived her father as a figure of authority which she has little or no right to question. This created a huge barrier which prohibited communication and when this problem develops beyond a certain limit, the party with less power will take actions to equalize this inequality in power. This problem is likely to be caused by the parent not showing care and concern for his child. If he had been showing the necessary care and concern to his daughter, then she would have not seen him as an unreasonable adult who expresses little interest in her passions.
Additionally, he should seek a solution that solves the main problem and not just the symptom of the problem. It is also important to bear in mind that a true solution which resolves a conflict should not just restore the relationship but also enhance the relationship between the parties involved.
UCS1001 S21 Tri1 2024-25
3 weeks ago
Hi Jiwei,
ReplyDeleteI feel that your suggestions on how to improve the situation are very useful. Rufus has to understand exactly where the problem lies before tempting to solve the problem. However, Jenny herself should think of how to convince Rufus as well?
After watching Gossip Girl, I have learnt that trust is very important in any relationship. One should try to see the whole picture first before making a conclusion. At the same time, that person can use this period to calm down and control his/her emotions before deciding on the appropriate action. In addition, it is very difficult to tell the right from wrong at times. In some case scenarios, both parties might be at fault and it is important to resolve misunderstandings by first having self awareness?
Jiamin
Hi Ji Wei,
ReplyDeleteIt is evident that Jenny possess self-awareness and self-management. She knows that she wants to do fashion design and she takes steps to achieve her goal.
Rufus on the other hand, did not care about what his daughter wants and simply acts of his own accord to ensure that his daughter stays in school. This is a prime example of poor relationship management. He might have got what he wanted but it made Jenny very upset. He might have good self-awareness but not self-management as he is unable to put himself in Jenny's shoes to understand why is she going against his wishes.
Communication is of utmost importance in managing relationships. Yet there seems to be a lack of it in this father-daughter relationship. Perhaps, that is what they need.
Geok Ting
Hi Jiamin,
ReplyDeleteI am glad to know that there is at least one other person who watches Gossip Girl in our class.
There wouldn't Gossip Girl if there is no communication breakdown.
Blair Waldorf is the best example of one who barely has any emotional intelligence - always throwing tantrums, making a big fuse out of the smallest issues, inconsiderate, manipulative, etc. It is interesting to look at how people around her cope with her, manage their own emotions and try to guide her to realised her own self-centered nature.
Ji Wei
Thanks, Ji Wei, for this discussion, both the description and the analysis. I find the Gossip Girl segment interesting, and it certainly demonstrates how Jenny and her father are acting at cross purposes. Rufus wants X, Jenny wants Y, and never the twain shall meet.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure though that Ziglar quote applies here. Dropping out of school, lying to one's father, even acting defiant are all obnoxious for a teenage daughter. But I don't think Jenny is crying for help. If she is, I can't begin to see it. In fact, I think she feels certain that she knows what is right for herself and that her dad doesn't. Having bee an American teen once myself, I can easily relate to her cockiness.
While I like your creative approach to the topic at hand, I feel you've missed a key point. According to the assignment, you should describe the problem scenario, both context and characters, and then formulate a question that captures the core interpersonal dilemma. (Go back to the page on blog assignments, dude, and check out the specs.)
The next step is/was for your classmates to provide potential solutions.
You go "a bridge too far," and end up giving too much info, I feel.
Do you see my point?
Still, you've inspired some good feedback from your readers. Do you have any question about my reaction? Let me know.